September/ October 1999 - Volume 2 - Issue 7
Yippee! Kids Go Back To School, Oh No!Trouble Now Begins!
Summer is waning, foster parents feel excitement at the prospect of kids going back to school. But should they? Summer was busy with kids around more often; fewer breaks and times of silence for foster parents. Noise and kids everywhere, so the return of kids to school means peace will reign supreme between the hours of 8am and 3pm. Well, not exactly. How soon they forget!
School means getting back to schedules which include more things to do and less sleep for foster parents. It means constant interruptions on the phone instead of in person. It means numerous lists, dates, and new people to remember and unfortunately, it means problems.
Oh, I'm sorry, have I disillusioned you? Do you have those perfect foster kids I've been told about, but never actually seen? You know the ones who wake up bright and early, dressed, bounce down the steps with a smile on their face and a great attitude. Those are the same kids who eat breakfast without and argument, wear warm hats to cover their ears, have all their school stuff in a neat pile the night before, and leave you mom's and dad's with a kind word and a hug. I'm speaking of kids who actually go to class on time and participate, do all their homework, and score A's on tests. Where are these kids anyway?
Let's return to reality, shall we? My former foster kids were of the "other kind". The ones that had to be, hmm, "convinced" to get out of bed. Mine were of the variety that descended the stairs and snarled at everyone in sight. I had those that greeted me by hissing like a snake for no apparent reason or those to whom I became the enemy overnight. Still unsure what I did in my sleep.
Mine were constantly, but of course, "accidently", missing the bus. This resulted in an extra 10 miles of driving we could add to the already hundreds of miles a week. And when they finally got there, the real fun began.
Calls from school were more regular than meals at our house. There were the ones to let us know so and so never showed up. Detours were commonplace. Calls to tell us to come get a kid out of their sight because once again he had caused disruption in the classroom. They were not impressed with the fact he was actually in the classroom. But I was impressed. We made deals with the schools to come and de-escalate our kids ourselves, which made for constant calls. We even made our own once a week to check up on homework, attendance, and behavior status of all our kids.
Trying to get anyone to do homework on time and properly was as challenging as winning an Olympic medal. Somehow we managed; we all made admirable attempts and most times attained some degree of success.
School-time means the juggling act is mastered where you take X number of kids and multiply it by X number of activities and try to make it all fit into X number of hours. You fit in counselors, doctors, and groups, between school meetings, concerts and sports. You also need to feed them, care for them, and talk to them. Foster parents are amazing.
Your demands and work increases while your time and sanity decrease. To help things run smoothly, live by schedules and calendars. Be consistent in your expectations and consequences since this is a great time saver. Don't take anyone's word for anything unless you check it out for yourself.
Remember you are professional parents and as such deserve some consideration as to school, scheduled meetings and conference times. We had to explain life with several challenging kids in one household to the four schools. They were fond of scheduling meetings at 7:30am, which is one of the worse times ever for most foster parents. Your time is as valuable as any other professionals are. Many foster parents have kids at home who are maybe their own or possibly the foster kids who are ill or suspended. Stick to your guns for a better time when you just cannot make it. They all may leave for school in the morning, but they often return before their scheduled times. You never really know how many hours you have that are kid-free. It is very tricky.
So, don't be too quick to have summer end. When you're doing that dance that all parents secretly do when kids return to school, enjoy it since it may be your calmest moment from here on till the first day of school next year.
Foster parents: I know how tough it is to keep up with kids who often go to different
schools. I'm aware of how many tasks you school day includes. It's a challenge, but you
can do it. So take that long bubble bathe and relax wild you still can. Eat your Wheaties
and gear up for the challenge that school-time brings. Most of all have faith in yourself
and you will conquer the many problems of school days. And thanks for fostering!